to Set Appropriate Expectations for Dating
by Jane Johnson
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Ten Ways to Set Appropriate Expectations for Dating
1) Give yourself
time to get back into the groove of dating
If you haven’t
dated in a while it may require an investment of time and effort
on your part if you are ultimately looking for a soul-mate. As we
get older and learn from our experiences our requirements for an
ideal mate may change and some things that were must haves may become
negotiable. Getting dating experience helps with clarity around
what is and is not negotiable in a mate. Detach from how long you
think it ought to take to find your soul-mate.
a “catch and release” program which supports your quest for an ideal
you’re dating someone you really enjoy AND deep down know they are
not “the one” … by keeping this person in your life hoping they
will magically become “the one” … it keeps them and YOU from being
open for the real “one”. Don’t be afraid to adopt a catch and release
program if it’s not perfect, for you. Just maybe your ideal mate
is waiting for you to become available!
3) Be irresistibly
At the end of
the day … when people fall in love … it’s because they feel they
know the “real you”. Why wait until later to reveal who that person
is … start being YOU in every moment. Others may just find you irresistibly
The best way
to get to know someone is to be curious about life through their
eyes. We can never have the same experiences because we view life
through our own filters and our own conditioning. So be curious
… find out what makes the other person light up! What they are passionate
5) Who says
dating can’t be fun?!
Adopt an expectation of fun. When you are having fun the best of
you is coming out to play. Isn’t that a great way to enjoy yourself
and time with others? What a wonderful gift to share with another
human being … you being your best and most fun?! Your future happiness
depends on it!
6) Tell me
and be a good listener. Get to know the real person you are sitting
across from. Being drilled with “interview” questions is not a good
relating technique! Being interviewed on a date creates a hostile
environment and puts the other person on the defensive. Relax and
remember have fun and enjoy hearing about life from another perspective.
Listen for cues when the other person speaks for a good next question.
Let the conversation flow.
your date or your soul-mate to rescue you from your life. Entering
into a healthy relationship means both parties come together as
whole human beings and together you become even more amazing. If
you are needy you may attract exactly what you don’t want and repel
what you do want.
8) It all
Each of us has
our own unique life purpose. Remembering that gives, having judgment
or controlling others, quite a different perspective. Having others
do things your way may not always help them with their own life
lessons or you with yours!
of others. This does not mean that every person is a right match
for you nor does it mean inappropriate behaviors are overlooked.
It means you have a choice of whether to see this person again or
not. Listen to your own intuition.
the big rush…this is your life we’re talking about!
Take your time
getting to know this new person in your life. Resist the urge to
marry your date, in your mind, on the first (second, third…?) date.
Engaging your emotions before you have enough information will hinder
your ability to notice relationship red flags.
a certified life coach who has experienced the world of internet
dating. After a nearly 20 year hiatus from dating, she immersed
herself in the activity. The following are tips from her observations,
interviews and personal experiences. You can reach her at www.doingcoolstuff.com
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