When starting a new relationship, many women (and men as well) tend to overlook some behaviors in their new partner that do not bode well for the future. Then, down the road, comes the exclamation ‘If I had only known…’. As a Psychotherapist who has worked with mostly women and a few men in the field of Domestic Violence, during counseling sessions we can always trace back unpleasant and also dangerous character traits to the very start of the relationship.
Here are some ‘Red Flags’ to watch out for in a new partner.
He makes decisions about where to go with little or no input from you.
He belittles your opinion when the two of you are alone and may call you names.
He makes disparaging remarks about you in front of others and may talk about you as if you were not there.
He may be rough during love-making and make you engage in acts you do not like.
He does not want to spend time with your friends or family and insists you socialize with his people.
He will not acknowledge your areas of expertise and may put down what you do in the workplace – ignore any of your accomplishments.
He may openly flirt with other women and then accuse you of being jealous when you object.
He gets angry and loses his temper over trivialities. Stays angry for a long time and attempts to blame all arguments on you.
May hit walls when angry.
One of the main factors is that he comes on very strong in the beginning of your relationship – sweeps you off your feet – and wants an exclusive relationship too quickly. Many women feel flattered at the intensity of the man’s seeming need for an immediate connection and consequently overlook the inappropriateness of it.
*This should not be confused with ‘love at first sight’ where one or both parties feel an instant connection – without any of the aforementioned behaviors.*
There are many other factors that could be listed – but if the man in your life begins displaying the above qualities – realize it will not get better, only worse. He will likely be unwilling to discuss his emotions openly and feel that women are the inferior sex.
If this describes your man, run – do not walk – out of his life. The next step will likely be physical abuse.
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