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about love, romance and twosomes. Yet, it is next to impossible
to have an intimate Valentine's Day when your relationship is subject
to resentment and conflict. It is like going for dinner with an
upset stomach. Again this year, thousands tolerate their relationships,
rather than enjoying them. Thousands are at the brink of break-up
and just as many will head for the divorce court. Single again,
thousands will walk away from the all-you-eat-buffet of dating companies
with empty stomachs. Despite this sad state and plenty of how-to
advice, we ignore the true catalyst for powerful change: Improving
Our Characters! Our relationship and dating affairs are out of control
and need critical attention NOW!
Ben and Tara
have lived a silent war for years. With a part-time job and 3 children,
she blames Ben for always working and never being at home. Ben,
working his butt off to provide for his family, blames Tara for
being uncooperative. Not quite ready to call the quits, the wall
between them seems impossible to climb. Ben's statement of defense:
Tara knew from day one that my work commitment would absorb all
my time. Tara's comeback: What I agreed to then does not work now.
With resentment growing faster than the will to compromise, this
deteriorating marriage is sucking the life out them. The facts are
have to work for both partners.
- Life and
people change, a fact we must consider in our relationships.
resolution must focus on the NOW - not the past.
of why or when Ben and Tara arrived at this juncture, their relationship
needs critical attention by way of compromise. Compromise leads
to conflict resolution by using the 3 principles of being Fit 2
Your partner is just as important as you are! Tara must regain
respect for Ben and his work while still insisting that he spent
more time with his family. Ben must realize that even though his
family benefits from his work, they suffer from his absence. Less
hours at work, better time management, cutting down expenses are
a few suggestions. Where there is a will, there is a way!
You are always responsible when in a relationship! Tara and
Ben have the power to make each other feel miserable or exceptional.
What will it be? They are responsible for each other's well-being
and have an obligation to become better people for each other. With
family at home, Ben can't spend every moment at the office. Tara
cannot simply complain without offering solutions.
Love only happens when you are real! Like many in strained
relationships, you may have become passive-aggressive and no longer
are as loving as you once were. Buried under fear and resentment
you are afraid to be you. Don't hide, instead, ask for what you
need from your partner. Explain how you feel. Address issues in
a non-accusing manner. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Step forward and live the change you like to see. Love can only
re-emerge when you lose the fear of being you!
In any strained
relationship, the deep question is: Do I really want this to work?
The answer can only be a "yes" or "no". If "yes"
you must compromise for the sake of a more rewarding relationship.
Our selfish what's-in-it-for-me attitude never works. If you can
say "yes" wholeheartedly and live by the 3 simple principles
above, your relationship will improve instantaneously - guaranteed
Allie Ochs 2005
Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are
You Fit to Love? Her book has received the honorable mention
at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio
and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters. Visit her
and take the Fit 2 Love test.
You Fit to Love? : A Radically Different Approach to Successful
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