You Fit To Love" is the most important question you’ll
ever ask yourself. Let’s face it, our relationships are
extremely important. Yet, often they are the cause of pain and
struggle. Single or not, societal standards convince us that
we can have it all. Much of the available relationship advice
compels us to go after everything we want. Sadly, for many it
is not working. Climbing divorce rates and more singles seeking
love are proof that our attitudes are counterproductive.
expectations have become highly unrealistic. Rarely do we look
in the mirror and ask: Am I fit to love? Today's relationships
are failing because of deterioration of character. It is time
we made a point of building long-term relationship success based
on the strength of our characters, instead of clever-minded
relationships require great characters. We simply must become
better people for each other. Becoming fit to love is a powerful
wake-up call for the brave. It will dramatically improve our
relationships or our chances of finding love.
happiest people are those in exceptional relationships. They
are heavily invested in their most valuable asset: their relationship
and have an abundance of life’s most precious commodity:
love. They all have one thing in common: they are fit to love.
At the heart of all exceptional relationships are three universal
principles: mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity
and here is what it means:
Respect: Your partner is just as important as you.
partner’s dreams and hopes are as important as our own.
This principle requires us to think of our partner as our equal.
Given that our generation has made history as ambassadors of
our “me first” society, we are more concerned with
getting what we want. For Bill, everything revolves around golfing.
He spends every weekend at the golf course while his wife, Jane,
looks after their two small children. Extra money from their
already tight budget is spent on Bill’s hobby. Stuck at
home with toddlers, Jane has little freedom to do or buy anything
special. Despite Jane’s complaints Bill seems completely
aloof to the fact that he is disrespectful. Relationship conflicts
arise because of different perspectives. Lovers argue over who
is right, instead solving the issue in their mutual best interest.
The struggle over unresolved issues leads to resentment even
when there is love. Love and respect take a backseat and the
relationship deteriorates. This dangerous game is the reason
why many relationships fail, when they shouldn’t. Instead
of trying to change each other or putting our needs first, we
must realize that our partner is just as important. In grabbing
hold of our partner’s beliefs we show that we respect
our partner. If conflict arises and we cannot agree, we should
simply agree to disagree and continue to talk with respect.
Without mutual respect, it is impossible to create loving relationships.
Responsibility: You are always morally responsible to those
with whom you have relationships.
live in a society that elevates self-fulfillment above anything
else. We seek self-fulfillment at any cost, even at the cost
of others. Regardless of how often we have heard that we are
not responsible for our partner’s happiness, we are still
responsible for his or her well-being. Love is a moral responsibility
to another person. We blame our partners if things do not work
out without looking in the mirror to see our own flaws. Yet,
everything we think, say or do affects those we love.
had lunch with her friend Sally at a quaint restaurant. Jennifer
could barley wait to share the details about her affair with
this young stud. Sally listened in awe as Jennifer blamed her
so-called inattentive husband, Paul. It was a strange twist
of fate that Paul sat behind the flower-decorated lattice wall
listening to every word his wife said. From here on life took
a different turn. Jennifer had deceived her husband Paul and
lost the respect of Sally. This is a high price to pay for moments
of sex. In our quest for better relationships, we must make
our relationship a priority. We must focus on our relationship
True love only happens when you are real
you ever found yourself laughing simply because everyone else
did? Agreed with your partner’s opinion even though you
didn’t share it or said: “I love you” when
you didn’t mean it. Did you ever do something inconsistent
with your true self just to please someone or to get what you
wanted? Of course we all have. We have lost the bravery to be
many there is quite a gap between the inside and the person
they present to the world. How about Toni, the dad who rents
a Porsche to impress his date, while being delinquent in child
support. Debby spends every Sunday at Grant’s parents
but resents it. To keep the peace, she refrains from claiming
some of these Sundays on her terms.
be validated we often compromise who we are. Conditioned by
our environment we have become products of the culture we live
in. No matter how good we are at playing roles eventually our
truth emerges. Being fit to love means being real. When we are
authentic our relationships become real and we never have to
doubt them. Regardless of the state of our relationships or
how unsuccessfully we have tried to find love we have the power
to radically change today. Mutual respect, moral responsibility
and authenticity are key to exceptional relationships. People
in exceptional relationships are fit to love and in the process
they reap some profound rewards:
live much happier lives
cope far better with stress
have better sex more often
laugh more often and have more fun
are healthier and live longer
are more optimistic
feel more secure and stable
wonder we envy these people. In times like these, laced with
tremendous uncertainty their relationships are like rock-solid
anchors. Mahatma Gandhi said: “A coward is incapable of
exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave”.
Let’s be brave!