Do You Know When You Are In Love?
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
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Do You Know When You Are In Love?
I know when I'm really in love?" asked Ruby, a client of mine.
"How can I know if what I feel for Jim is really love or just
infatuation? How can I know if this feeling will last?"
Ruby and Jim
had been dating for 11 months and were considering marriage. Ruby,
32, felt ?head over heels? in love with Jim, but she had felt head
over heels in love with Adam, as well as with Mark.
feeling didn?t last with Adam or Mark. How do I know it will last
with Jim? How can you tell when it?s the real thing?"
I told her, "the answer to this important question depends
upon which part of you feels 'in love' and which part of Jim you
are 'in love' with."
to Ruby that she can be in love from her ego, or as we call it in
the Inner Bonding process we teach, her wounded self. Or, she can
be in love from her true Self or core Self - her essence, her soul
Self. If she is in love from her wounded self, it will be about
external things and the love will not last. But if she is in love
from her soul Self, it will be about internal things, and it is
very likely that the love will see her through all the challenges
that come up in relationships.
I asked her, "What do you love about Jim"?
been thinking about that a lot," she answered. "It's kind
of funny some of the things I love about him. I love his walk and
his smell. I love the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and I
love his laugh. I love just being next to him. There is something
about his energy - I don't quite know how to talk about it that
I love being around. I love his touch. I love his kindness and sensitivity
and his deep caring for people. Even though he would not be considered
a handsome man, I love how he looks. There's something about his
mouth and the look in his eyes that just fills me with love. And
I love the passion he has about both his work and his hobbies I
love his playfulness. We laugh a lot together.
this different than what you loved about Adam or Mark?"
I think that
with both Adam and Mark I was pretty much blown away by their looks
they were both hunks. Both of them were also very successful and
very social. They took me to nice places and great vacations. Jim
is not as financially successful nor as social, yet I feel much
safer with him. I think that I also feel in love with Adam's power
in the world. He really seemed to have it together and his sense
of power turned me on. But he wasn?t always nice to people, and
he wasn't always nice to me.
seems that with Adam and Mark, your wounded self was in love with
their wounded selves " their more superficial qualities of
looks, money and power. But it sounds like with Jim your essence
is in love with his essence. The qualities you say you are in love
with are qualities that won't go away over time, because they are
soul qualities. People can certainly lose their looks and their
money, but it is unlikely that Jim will lose the qualities that
you love in him, especially if you frequently express your appreciation
for these qualities."
really am in love with Jim! This really is different than my other
relationships. You know, I think I?ve finally grown up. The more
superficial qualities just don't seem to be so attractive to me
Paul, Ph.D., Los Angeles, CA, USA
Learn more about Love
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?"
and ?Healing Your Aloneness.? She is the co-creator of the powerful
Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her
web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com
or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Phone Sessions Available.
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