Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE
by Barbara Rose
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Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE
you want a partner you can be your true self with, a partner who
will treat you with love and respect.
social conditioning we receive to get or capture another causes
us to fail and to string ourselves along, while we simultaneously
hide our real selves. This robs both people equally of the opportunity
to get to know, love, and care for each other, while maintaining
a solid sense of self.
* Being Equals
It does not
matter if you are male or female, nor does it matter what your sexual
preferences are. The only thing that matters is that you view yourself
and the other person as fully equal human beings.
This means that
your preferences and standards are equally as important as the other
person’s. As a result, they are equally respected. This means that
compromising your integrity or the other person’s integrity is not
Games and manipulation
are not an option. Do you like it when someone plays games and tries
to manipulate you? Of course not. Therefore, trying to manipulate
the other person must never even be considered.
Equals do not
engage in a power play. There must be mutual respect. You must care
enough about the other person’s feelings to dare to be honest; and
you must be honest even if you feel scared or fear that stating
your truth might be hurtful to the other, as long as your motive
is pure and comes from your heart.
It is the heart
center within each person that ties us all together. Both men and
women have feelings, and those feelings deserve to be honored at
the expense of no one. Being Who You Are and True to Yourself In
a relationship, being The One means being who you are, and sharing
yourself honestly and genuinely with the other person.
requires the courage to speak your truth, even if you fear rejection.
It means that you stop holding back out of fear and start expressing
your feelings kindly and graciously. What matters most is that you
express your truth. Holding back your truth out of fear robs you
of the ability to share your true self with the other, and it robs
the other person of the opportunity to really know who you are,
how you feel, what you think, and what you want.
truth causes the relationship to break down. It causes the relationship
to stagnate or slowly deteriorate. At all stages of a relationship,
from the first meeting through decades of being together, sharing
your truth will never hurt you. Withholding your truth, however,
will always hurt both you and the relationship. When you share your
interests, talents, essence, and life purpose with the other person,
he receives the gift of getting to know the incredible being that
you are. You must find the courage to show your authentic self;
you must risk daring to be the real you.
If you fear
loss, ultimately you lose your sense of self. Once you lose your
self-worth, you begin to slowly deteriorate. Then, sadly, the relationship
naturally follows that same downward spiral. On the flip side, taking
a risk to share your genuine feelings, thoughts, and preferences
will bring authentic truth into the relationship, and you can both
thrive. But if you are not suited for each other, then it is better
to part rather than string yourself or the other person along out
of any sort of fear.
Don’t you want
to know the truth about what the other person feels and thinks?
Well, the other person deserves to know the same about you. If you
receive a phone call, do not act indifferent, as if you just received
a call from a telemarketer. If you are happy to hear from him or
her, simply say, “I’m happy to hear from you” or “It’s good to hear
from you.” Say the truth. People want to be liked and appreciated;
they don’t want to be treated like yesterday’s newspaper.
If the other
person says or does something that you really do not like, say,
“When you said that, I felt hurt” or “When you did that, I felt
rejected, and it would be so great if you would have done this instead.”
If you let the
person know, in the moment, when he does or says something that
upsets you, you will simply communicate your truth graciously and,
at the same time, let him know what you would prefer instead. You
don’t need to create a dramatic scene. Simply and calmly state your
truth, and show your respect for the other person by letting him
know what you would prefer, rather than expecting him to read your
Only you can
read your mind. You must communicate clearly so that you can have
clarity rather than ambiguity within the relationship. If you’re
walking on eggshells, promptly stand in your truth and muster up
the courage to be real enough to state what is on your mind. This
will open the door to clear communication. If the person genuinely
wants to be with you, your authenticity will only help by giving
him the opportunity to open up and be authentic with you in return.
If your truth
leads to a breakup, wouldn’t you rather have someone in your life
who really wants to be with you? Do you really prefer to walk on
eggshells, putting up with words and behaviors that are far less
than what you deserve?
This is your
choice. You can choose to string yourself or the other along, but
in the end, this choice only diminishes your self-esteem.
way to enhance your self-esteem is to be true to yourself on all
levels of your life. This will naturally be reflected in how truthful
you are with the other person. Whether you stay together or not,
at least your relationship will be authentic. It’s always much better
to go with the truth in your heart and soul. You can never go wrong
with the truth.
* Taking the
Games Out of Relationships
want to be with others who are pining away for them, willing to
sacrifice their truth, integrity, and self-esteem just to go along
out of fear of rocking the boat or losing the relationship. Nobody
truly wants a doormat.
person who gets stomped on nor the person who does the stomping
enjoys a fulfilling, rewarding relationship that contributes great
joy to life.
in a string along relationship. Everybody wins when you are both
equally The One.
thrive, and share a life with The One, to grow together, you have
to be The One at all times, with zero games.
Being The One
means you do not settle. You refuse to settle because you know your
worth. You refuse to manipulate just to get what you want by deception
of any kind; you have too much integrity to lower yourself by playing
manipulation games. You have too much self-love to sacrifice your
truth. You have too much self-honesty to keep quiet out of fear.
You care too much for the other as an equal member of the human
race to even consider asking him to sacrifice his truth just to
If there are
difficulties in the relationship, you must sit down together and
share from your hearts everything that is upsetting to you, with
each person receiving equal time on center stage to share his feelings,
and with a shared desire to come to a mutually agreeable solution.
If you have
tried many times to work it out, and you genuinely feel that there
is no relationship left that resembles the kind you really desire
and deserve, then peacefully walk out of the relationship. Then
you can both attract new partners who you can have a mutually satisfying
The One doesn’t
even consider manipulative games or sacrificing self-truth to appease
the other, and doesn’t keep the status quo out of a martyred sense
of self-denial. View yourself and the other person purely as equal
members of the human race. Have a life or create a life that you
are passionate about so that you can share who you really are with
Show your real
feelings. State your real feelings. If you’re not sure of your real
feelings, simply say so. If you feel scared, it’s okay to say that.
This openness creates a platform for authentic intimacy, in which
it is safe to share your truth. The other person might very well
react with relief because you have the courage to be real instead
of hiding behind a fa’ade, pretending to be what you think you’re
supposed to be in order to gain approval.
The only approval
and validation you ever need can come only from within you. Far
too many people tiptoe around learned cultural rules and regulations
to “capture” the other person. How about being the real you so that
the other person has an opportunity to get to know who you are and
what you’re all about. You don’t have to go overboard to prove how
lovable and incredible you are. The key to taking the games out
of relationships is to stop playing head games with yourself, trying
to figure out how you can “get” or “keep” the other person. The
key is in getting and keeping your own life, and seeing the other
person as a part of your life rather than your central focus. Don’t
just pretend to be busy—be passionately absorbed in your life! Don’t
just say you’re not available; be available when you can be, but
honor the other priorities in your life. Waiting by the phone is
not a priority.
If you focus
on the other person as the be-all and end-all of your life purpose,
then do yourself a big favor: take that focus and place it on becoming
your best self and on contributing your best to this world. Then,
when you are genuinely available to see the other person, see him
and have a blast. If you feel like sending flowers, send them. If
you’re in a relationship and you both want it to thrive, it’s okay
for a woman to do something kind for a guy, and vice versa, as long
as kindness is reciprocated. The relationship must be equal on all
levels. If it’s not, why are you still in it? If you’re being taken
for granted, leave. If you’re being treated the way you have always
wanted to be treated, then treat the other person the same way.
Take the male-female games out of the equation. Games may work for
a short time, but they never make for a healthy, authentic relationship.
In the end, games don’t work.
If you think
you have to put on an act or cover up your true self, then it’s
time to ask yourself what you are so afraid of. Usually the answer
is that you’re afraid the real you is not lovable. To counter that,
be who you really are.
If you make
truth the rule of thumb on all levels, you cannot go wrong. If you
need more solitude, simply say so. If you would like to see the
other person more, it’s okay to say, “I have such an awesome time
with you. It would be great if I could see you more.” Then, trust
your instincts about the response you get. If the other person is
swamped, then understand. If you’re picking up signals that you
sense are nonsense, then honor what your smart intuition is telling
you, and get busy with your own life, with zero complaints. Someone
can be busy but still call. Someone can be out of town and still
send flowers. Someone who really cares shows it. Moreover, when
you really care about you, you can show it to yourself by the excitement
you put into your own life, and by sharing your activities with
the other person when you do get together.
so much if you are “getting it right.” Be your shining self.
if you are going to “mess everything up.” Be honest.
about who should be chasing whom. Share your authentic self.
for less than you deserve. State what you prefer.
your integrity. Deal truthfully with the other person on all levels.
your time trying to capture the other person. Let your life purpose
Stop being the
string along. Honor every feeling you have, and dare to be true
By Barbara Rose. All Rights Reserved.
Rose is an Internationally acclaimed public speaker, spiritual author
of: "Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being
THE ONE" "If God Was Like Man"and "Individual Power: Reclaiming
Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life", founder of The Rose Group
publishing company, inspire! Magazine, Institute of Higher Self
Communication, and Rose Humanitarian Alliance.
works in Divine Cooperation with others to uplift the spiritual
consciousness of humanity. Through a Divine Spiritual gift she brings
through information to create the highest vision of your life, and
our world. Her internationally praised seminars, widely published
articles, Higher Self Certification intensives, and Divinely Channeled
private consultations have changed the lives of thousands across
enlightening info, contacts, books, articles and resources to help
you become your highest self, visit Barbara’s website: http://www.borntoinspire.com
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