Love Letter #14
My dearest Sharon,
As I promised here is the letter I was going to send you. I got your letter you sent to me as well. I’ve just got to say that you are wrong. You will not just fade away from me. Not now, not ever. That is why I still wear your necklace. Even though my life has changed my link with you still remains as strong as ever. I know I have given it to you. But I still wear it.
The last day we were together was very painful to me. Just as something inside me was returning to life you had to leave. I needed more time–to make you see– There was always something in the way. I couldn’t find the right words. We couldn’t be alone together. We didn’t have the time. We had other responsibilities. To have something so precious slip through my fingers yet again. There was nothing I could do. Except give you a part of me that has always been yours to keep.
When you turned to leave me you turned me to stone. I do not know how long I was there just staring at the doorway. I wanted to run after you. But I just stood there until I saw my reflection in the doorway. You were gone.
I started to walk back to my room. Past all the noise and laughter of people I came through them like a shadow. Only silence greeted me as I opened the door. Once again I regressed into that dead emotion that froze me in my tracks. My heart was hurting. It was all I could do to keep in together. All my feelings which I thought were neatly contained in a part of my heart came to life. They spilled out into my being and I relived every moment I spent with you. Images of us flitted through my mind like errant thoughts. Of us in the elevator and how you slowly leaned against me. The tender kiss we shared on the carpark. How you looked when you were angry.
I could not stay in that room any longer. I needed to walk. So I got up and went off into the night. As I got out of the hotel I passed by the lake where the fountains would have been playing. It was late and only a strange sort of Italian ballad was playing in the background. The breeze was soft and slightly cold. The moonlight reflected on the surface of the lake. The smell of flowers behind me. It was a perfect setting for two lovers. I looked around but aside from the traffic moving on the streets the balcony was empty of people. So I paused and put my hand on the cold stone railing. I listened to the music. It was a male tenor and even though I did not understand the words, it seemed to be singing of indescribable loss and heartache. I closed my eyes and fought that emotion that threatened to overwhelm me yet again.
But something strange happened to me on that balcony that night. After a while I knew I was going to lose that battle anyway instead of fighting it I embraced it. I just let it come into me and allowed myself to feel. And as the music reached its climax you were there with me. I could feel your presence next to me. It was a step into madness I know but for this one night you would be with me. I know all of it was in my mind and imagination but it was enough. For this one night I would indulge in it and be with you as I never could have done.
So together we walked on into the night. We reached the bright lights of the strip with my arm around your waist. We passed by Paris and then the Venetian. We talked of many things both past and present. As we passed the Mirage and into its dense vegetation, I stole a kiss from you. We reached Treasure Island and by the soft glow of the lamps and the chirping of crickets we talked of the future. The bright lights of Circus Circus greeted us as we went further. It has been a while since I returned to this place. Not much has changed since I last saw it in my childhood. I make a joke about clowns and you laugh that impish laugh of yours that could always make me smile.
Nearby we found a little restaurant. A Korean place which seems to be open. We enter and find ourselves a table. It is an old place. The old wooden tables and the rough walls tells me that it’s not fancy. But it is cozy. The restaurant is dimly lit…We order our food and sit down to talk. The starters arrive in several small bowls filled with various pickled vegetables. Strange–but we are adventurous and try them out. You talk about something or other but I’m not listening. Merely looking at you makes me happy. The waiter must have looked down and seen a strange man who seems to be smiling at an empty chair. The main course arrives and without any warning your image disappears. Try as I might I could not summon you back to fill that empty chair that is just across from me. I am alone again. The food turns to ash in my mouth and cold as I pick at it with my fork. I eat what I can and pay the bill.
Outside the weather has turned colder. Colder still that you are not with me. So I rush back to my hotel. Everything is just a blur of darkness, light, and colour. I make it to the lobby. A faint hope lights my heart and I look around. Maybe you have returned and your are waiting for me. But no, you are not there. Just the cleaners who glance at me and then return to their work. So I returned to my room. Nothing has changed. I look into the mirror and I see the haunted look in my eyes. The walk has achieved its purpose. I am tired. I’m ready to sleep. So I lie down and pull one of the pillows to me. I hug it tightly and close my eyes. I drift off to sleep–but my dream is over–
I don’t know what the future will bring. One thing I do know that our bond will never be broken. I just now realize it–No matter how many loves you and I will have in this lifetime–
Please do not think I was unhappy when I was with you. Being with you once again was the most wonderful experience I could have. Our misadventures even more so. We always seem to be so unlucky–but we always come out smiling in the end. Please do not belittle how deeply I feel for you. My feelings will never fade. Even now I feel a pain in my heart. But it is alright. For every twinge of pain I feel is just another moment spent with you. It is worth it.
So once again winter has come to my heart. I must shed my leaves and wait for spring to come. I wait for you to return–
One day it will be–all my love,
August 8, 2002
Submitted by sharon d.
Michael and Sharon carried their long distance relationship for seven years. He was 19 years old from London, England and she was 17 years old from Los Angles, California when their romance started in 1991. Sharon received dozens of love letters from Michael throughout the years they were together. Michael proposed to Sharon during their brief interlude in Las Vegas but she refused because he was engaged to someone else. This is his goodbye letter to her. He was married in 2003.
Love Letter #15
This Goes out to the one I love My Rogy
Please come back home.
I wish to see you if only for one kiss.
If only for 10 min’s. I want to give you love this holiday season.
I feel so alone. I want to tell you how much you mean to me.
Come back to me.