by Shanaya

Some may call me crazy. LOL! I beg to differ. I mean, aren’t all first crushes this way? You never get completely over it; at least I haven’t. I’ve been crushing on this dude since the second grade! That was when we first met. He stood out so effectively in every way. He was beyond cute and he wasn’t just a niggard with looks. Baby boy had smarts, too. I fell head over heals for him from that very day.

Knowing all that, you would think I would’ve jumped on that ASAP. Wrong! I was a quiet, extremely shy girl who wasn’t focused on having a boyfriend. I was only 7! Nevertheless, I wasn’t completely into my schoolwork either. Somehow though, I managed to get straight A’s without even trying to. I sometimes thought to myself: What? Was my mother all into books in shit while she was pregnant with me, and then suddenly got dumb when I was born? I made no attempt to strive for excellence in school. It just came naturally.

Anyway, Wymaine, that’s his name, was the highlight of my life, for that year. I don’t know what happened, but it was like he was erased from my memory until the 6th or 7th grade. That’s when everything started up again. That’s also when I began to gain courage and attitude.

I remember like it was yesterday. I was in the 7th grade, my second year in an honors class. Most of the kids who were in regular classes looked at honors kids as stuck-up, know it all bastards. Shit, I always thought that way, too. Being in there with them kind of made me feel as if I had to start all over again to gain the “regular kids'” respect. I didn’t want them to hate me as much as they hated the “smart kids,” just by me being in classes with them.

On the contrary though, they didn’t see me any different. That made me feel good, and made me attempts to go after my man! One of my friends, Shanille, was in his class that year. Right away, I put her on the case and badgered her to help me out. She wasn’t tryin help me right away, so I moved on┬íKto another helper.

I had another friend, ironically named Romaine, who was real cool with him. He jumped on it as soon as I let him know the deal, but told me that Wymaine said he wasn’t interested. My heart was crushed for a few days, before Shanille came to me and said Wymaine wanted my number. I nearly fainted at the sound of those words!

We got together, as a couple, but were surrounded by so many haters and nosey motha fuckas. I had a best friend telling one of the “cool” teachers what was going on with him and me. He had a best friend who was a terrible influence, making him real unattractive with his fake bad boy attitude. Above all, we had a kind of “in school” relationship. We never saw each other outside of school. We called each other every day on the phone, but not many words were exchanged.

The only good thing I got out of it was that he was a star basketball player on our school team and I was the turned-out quiet girl who became a cheerleader for that same team. At games, I would cheer him on. When he got hurt, I would act out, being all concerned and shit. And at half time and cheerleading competitions, I would work harder than any of the other girls, having everything on point and moving extra sexy, knowing he was watching. I mean, I was almost a toothpick back then. If I had the curves back then that I have now, you already know, he would’ve been on me like frosting on a cake! But that’s another topic right there.

Things ended between us because of the ridiculous mishaps that I explained earlier. We kept in contact with one another on and off until our sophomore year of high school. Things abruptly stopped and I thought that was that. Of course I never got over him, but even seeing him in school made me too vulnerable to even converse with him.

My friends always said that I stalked him around school. Not even, my dude. I just got that feeling as if nothing could faze me whenever I saw him, but still no words were said. It wasn’t until recently that I convinced myself to get over my nerves and to go after that unfinished business.

I still had his number, so I wrote a text message to him, telling him how sexy I thought he was. (That took too many balls for me to do than what already had!) He had no clue who I was at first. After remembering me, we talked, through text, for some time. We reminisced on times I had no idea he even knew about. We bugged out, and by that night, I had my man again!

Look, Naya gets what she wants, even if it’s not right away, no matter how long it may take. Look at me now. After 10 years I finally got my book, more ready now than ever before. It’s been two weeks since things have rekindled. How long it may last? Who knows? So far, he’s seen a side of me that he would have never imagined, and vice versa. There’s still more to come with that, but that’s some shit you’ll just never know! Like Joa would say: COMING SOON!

Until then just remember one thing from a person with experience. Go after that person that you may be deadly infatuated with. It’s not crazy; it’s just striving to get what you want. Even if you are turned down, you would feel better in the long run just knowing that you took a chance, stayed determined and positive in the process, and that you faced one of your fears. Trust me, it won’t hurt; go for it!


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