Online Dating Is Better Than Dating In The Real World
by Marc de Jong
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Dating Is Better Than Dating In The Real World
More and more
people find their love online. No wonder, says Marc de Jong. He
thinks that online dating is even better than dating in the real
Let me tell
you a story. For years I went to bars, festivals and other meetings,
and it wasn't always for the beer or the music. To be honest, many
times I was mainly looking for a girl friend, for a woman to spend
the rest of my life with.
I had my share
of dates, don't worry: Frankenstein was not my father, some ladies
even consider me handsome. But in the end I was still living on
my own, and slept in a bed that was always too big.
when I bought a modem and went on the Internet. Initially my connection
wasn't meant for a ride on the electronic highway to love - remember:
I am a music fan - but it lasted only a few days before I first
visited a dating site.
thousands of women entered my cramped living room, and after a little
surfin' around I wrote a girl that called herself Pearlemma. I hope
it was not her real name.
Only 24 hours
later Pearlemma wrote me back. We exchanged up to six letters. Then
it became clear she was only interested in having a chat once in
a while. I knew the type - from bars, festivals and other meetings.
My next stop
was FriendFinder, one of the oldest and best known dating sites.
I found a lady with whom I shared some hobbies and interests, but
I soon had enough when she sent me her picture.
finally became serious when I put my ad on a site called Soulmates
or something like that. I got a few replies, wrote back, got more
replies, wrote back again, made a selection, wrote more, met her.
Love, romance, you got it, and I got it.
And then we
split up. These things happen, not only in the virtual world. But
at least I knew, online dating could work.
So when I had
come to terms with the emotional damage, I put another ad, and this
time it was really bingo time. Over one hundred replies. And you
know what? I'm happily married now, for over eighteen months, with
a lady who used to live on the other side of the world.
Why am I telling
you all this? Because I truly believe online dating works. And even
better than real world dating.
First of all,
there's choice. Second, there's comfort. On the net, you can meet
thousands of potential partners and still stay at home.
is incredible: as long as you speak a few words of English, you
can communicate with almost the whole world. And even when you only
speak your native tongue (if not English) then you can still reach
more people than you will ever be able to meet in a bar.
You can write
at daytime, at your work, during one of these dull and lonely evenings,
in the middle of the night when the bed's too big again. Doesn't
matter: you can choose time and place yourself.
Maybe you only
want someone who lives just around the corner, but let me tell you
this: the international aspect of online dating adds some extra
flavour, which you will never regret to try.
means other cultures, and other cultures are not scary, no, they
enrich your life. They broaden your view, tell you what's strange
about your own culture, and show you things you had never dreamt
very exciting to go on holiday knowing you'll meet this mysterious
man or woman for the first time. And if love is true and the country
nice, you have a great holiday destination for the future as well.
is also honest. O.K., there are people who place an ad without taking
it seriously, and some might even try to scam you, but that's not
different from the real world. If you take the right precautions
and use your brains, you will only meet men or women who don't hide
On the net you
do not have to say 'Can I buy you drink', then wait for hours, weeks,
sometimes months - or even years - to find out that your 'partner'
liked the drink more than you or already had someone else.
No, on the net
the world is simple and clear. By just putting an ad, people say:
'I want love'. Now, that's an opening sentence!
points are so obvious, it's also much easier to speak about issues
that really matter.
What do you
expect from life? What kind of relationship would you prefer? Do
you want children? Just a few questions you will never ask a boy
or girl in a crowded bar or noisy discotheque, while being watched
by your and his or her friends.
But when you
write an email you CAN ask it, and you don't have to wait for the
If you don't
limit your correspondence to superficial talk, but achieve real
indepth communication, you save a lot of time. So invest in your
writing skills and be honest, and your relationship will benefit
from it for years.
The great thing
about email is it's inbuilt paradox. It can be very personal and
intimate, but still it's anonymous, because you use a 'third party',
e.g. your computer, to express your thoughts and feelings.
With no direct
listener you can come to the point. And the great thing is: most
people are easily touched by a personal letter. A letter also gives
them time to react, while a live conversation requires immediate
answer, which can be an obstacle when you are overwhelmed by emotion.
There are people
who regard online dating as unnatural.
Well, then tell
me what IS natural? There was a time when bars and disco's were
just as new as the Internet. There are countries where bars and
disco's do not exist, even in the 21st century. And what is natural
about joining a singles club and go out bowling with people who
are only rating each other's looks?
I may be romantic,
but I think the man or woman of your dreams might well be living
somewhere else, on a place where you haven't looked yet. It can
be your neighbouring city, or an almost deserted island in the Pacific.
But thanks to your computer you can find him. Or find her. Go for
© Marc de Jong
de Jong is a journalist and professional writer. Together with his
wife he runs a few websites in the dating industry, among which:
little journal of love is now available for your free download.
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